The process of learning parenting is rough on the first born. Inexperienced parents can have the best intentions and still make mistakes that have long range negative impact on their children. Child-Compassionate Parenting adheres to developmental stages and provides for the healthy personality to develop while maintaining parental control and reason. Here are ten parenting pitfalls to avoid.

1. ARGUING IN FRONT OF THE CHILD

Irritation and exhaustion make parents more volatile. Complaining and bickering may relieve some built up pressure but these anger embers can explode into a yelling fight. Young toddlers can be so alarmed that they may have accidents or get ill when their parents become angry. Screaming and anger were part of a survival reaction when the mother deemed an intruder was life threatening. There is no excuse for putting this much stress on a child. Discuss adult issues and disagreements in civil and polite tones. The person who is yelling is trying to win an argument by acting violent and that is unfair fighting.

2. SENSORY OVERLOAD

The body can handle millions of bits of information intake but then it needs a break. The noise level of children, their television programs, appliances, pets and phones can leave a parent confused and stressed. A fifteen minute walk, with only the sound of the birds, can do wonders for your psyche. When the child is safely in his or her stroller and you are away from unimportant urgency, telephones and chaos, then you can process and relax. A slow stroll without any other purpose than to “Listen to the song of life,” as Katherine Hepburn often said. At home, if your child is clearly in sight, make a cup of hot green tea and sip it slowly wearing earplugs. The combination of antioxidants and silence is healing. Sound is a necessary warning signal, so mini breaks only.

3. NO NO’S

As a child ages they can learn from other peoples mistakes, but toddlers want to experience everything for themselves. Eliminate the possibilities for disaster rather than spend the precious time you have with your child saying, “No” so many times that the child becomes immune to the word. Save “No!’ for dangerous moments that could be life threatening. You want that word to stop them in their tracks so do not over use it on meaningless control issues. If the child is drawn to Grandma’s colorful vase, put the vase away and replace it with a plastic object or stuffed animal. Let the child explore, touch and occasionally taste the room’s objects until they have learned what they need to learn. Usually, the child only makes one pass across everything. Follow the child patiently helping them to explore the breakable items, explaining that this will break so we leave it alone. Then, put the vase up where there is no chance of a mistake. The vase is nothing compared to your child.

4. SWIM

Teach your child to swim. “Drowning is the second leading cause of accidental injury-related death among children ages 1 to 14 and the leading cause of accidental injury-related death among children ages 1 to 4.” ( usa.safekids.org/” target=”_blank usa.safekids.org). Even if you are afraid of the water yourself or hate the amount of chlorine your child is exposed to in public pools, teach your child to swim. Drowning is preventable unlike a car accident or many other accidents. Chlorine is as hard on your lungs as your eyes so insist on better ventilation at swimming pools especially an indoor pool with low ceilings. Non-chlorinated disinfectants are available and used in many European pools. But if all you have is the local pool reeking of chlorine, you owe your child a fighting chance to swim to safety. Teach your child to swim now.

5. VEGANS

Good idea but the human body is complicated and requires B12 and Vitamin D and fish or nut oil good fats that can not be supplied in many limited diets. Feed your child a variety of healthy organic foods as often as possible but do not be too restrictive. We only know a fraction of the intricacies of the chemical reactions in the body and many facts become fiction as science discovers new evidence. Waiting for water in plastic bottles when often municipality water is superior can lead to dehydration and serious complications. Letting a young child feel painful hunger pangs because the food is not perfectly nutritious is counterproductive to good parenting. Sometimes it is O.K. to help the child deal with difficult situations with a full belly of just O.K. food.

6. ASSUME THEY ARE GOOD

See that mischievous glint in your child’s eyes that alerts you to impending trouble? Remember it well so that you recognize it when as teenagers they get that same look when they have an exciting idea. Even as you absolutely know for certain that they are doing something wrong, discipline means teaching. Remind them of the consequence of disobeying you and wait to see what they do. They will weigh the potential pleasure reward of doing what they are thinking versus the severity of your consequence. Typically, they will choose pleasure. Calmly, shake your head and say I asked you to do that and instead you did the other. The consequence will now be this. If you are really clever you will have already pasted the crime and punishment on the refrigerator before it happens so you can say, “See.” Start with very tiny logical consequences, like a minute of time out that matches their age and loss of gadgets and privileges when they are older. Save the big punishment for drug and alcohol use, stealing or not using a condom, much later. Never use big threats or joke with threats. When it is really important they will not know whether you are serious or joking.

7. YOU ARE ON

After a long day of work, a couple just wants to eat, shower and sit down. But who is watching the baby? Never leave a child unattended. You must get a response from the other parent acknowledging that they are on duty before you run to the bathroom or step outside even for a moment. When you are on, you must prioritize your job of protecting your child from harm over a television game, surfing the internet or making dinner. Make a section of a visible room a safe play area that is baby gated and away from obvious danger. Toddlers can stack toys together to make an escape faster than you can get back to your computer chair. Never leave a child in front of a television while you go back to sleep. They can open a door and be in the street so quickly. You use to love to play. Perhaps, you could play with your child joyfully for a while. Some day they will not want you anymore. So relax and enjoy running in the park, puppets and card games again. When they leave for college, you can repaint the house and get new flooring. Tolerate messy toys, spills and other accidents.

8. TRUST BUILDING

Realities of life are extremely harsh. As humans we must suspend the truths of our short existence. Our vulnerable body can die in a few minutes from a cut or a few inches of water. Knowing how to balance protective parenting and fear inducing anxiety is tricky. Teaching the kindness and beauty of the world is more important than teaching the horrific things people do to each other. If you want your child to know Jesus, teach the wisdom of Jesus, not the sadistic brutality of Roman gladiators nailing a man’s hands. If you want your child to love animals visit a zoo, or adopt a pet rather than watching the television footage of a lioness eating the belly of a living deer. You need to stay informed, but the news is also on at ten after the child is asleep. Can you really explain to them why other parents allow their adult children’s bodies to be contaminated and destroyed in wars? Can they believe it won’t happen to them? Protect your children’s hearts and minds at every opportunity until they are in school where they will learn the history of man soon enough.

9. NIGHTY NIGHT

Never use bedtime as a punishment. A child abruptly left in a dark room to sob is abhorrent to experienced parents and anyone who has a heart. Such selfish parental quick fixes will result in long term damage to trust and self esteem. If you must punish a worn out tired child, use time out instead. Then, begin a pleasant nighttime ritual of bath, brushing teeth, p.j.’s, a book, a favorite bear and blanket, a kiss and good night. This ritual will cut down on phobias, nightmares, guilt, anxiety and hysterically crying rejected little children. Bedtime is one of the most loving experiences of parenting that when done correctly results in strong bonding.

10. BUDGET BABYSITTERS

Funds are tight and so many purchases seem important, however, spend money on a babysitter at least once a week. Time alone with your spouse in dating mode will help keep your love alive. Like a delicate flower you must water, feed and care for you living and changing love. Men need attention from their wives and wives need nurturing from their men. Hire a babysitter, grandparent or older teen to play with your child while you spend time with each other as a couple. Go play miniature golf, or bowl or dance, feel young again, carefree and unencumbered for a little while. The best gift you can give your child is a stable, happy home life, not an abundance of things or fancy schools.

Forgive in your heart the struggles of childhood and parent with a compassionate, not critical code of behavior. Parenting is the hardest job you will ever do. Your reward will not be your child thanking you for your sacrifices. Your reward will be the realization that your parenting skills advanced forward as you watch your grown child parent your grandchild with Child-Compassionate Parenting.

Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, “Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love,” ISBN 159507158X. She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert in the film, My Suicide, documentaries Ready to Explode and KTLA Impact, NBC news, PBS In Focus, WBZT talk radio and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Yahoo, Match.com, N Magazine, Women’s Health and Women’s World. Take the new relationship compatibility test by psychology expert Dr. Molly Barrow. Please visit:
DrMollyBarrow.com/ DrMollyBarrow.com/ Love and healthy relationship advice for pre-marital, marriage, dating and business relationships.

Shower your mom to be with these decorations!

When you’re throwing a baby shower, finding discount baby shower supplies can be difficult if you don’t use a little foresight and planning. It’s especially easy to go overboard when buying or making baby girl shower decorations as everything is so adorable. That makes it hard to choose and if you’re not careful it’s easy to have your baby shower looking like a frilly pink nightmare.

Baby shower party supplies can be done in a variety of ways. Traditionally, baby girl shower decorations are lacy and flowery. If themed, most people lean towards the traditional ducks, butterflies or cartoon characters such as the ever popular Disney characters.

First and foremost you need balloons and streamers. They are placed outside the house as a guide for guests to help direct them to the correct residence and of course inside because what would any party be without balloons and dangling streamers? Generally, you want the baby shower party supplies to stick with a theme.

One cute touch for baby girl shower decorations is the sock rosebush. Using pink and/or white baby socks roll them up tightly; they will resemble small roses; then using wire, attach them to “stems” of wooden skewers and stick them down into pots you’ve spray painted pink and filled with green florists Styrofoam.

Discount baby shower supplies can also be found online. With a little online legwork, you should have no problem finding your baby shower party supplies. Baby girl shower decorations bring out the softie in all of us so have fun with it but make sure not to overdo the fluff.

Kelly Jezek is a successful Webmaster and publisher of mybabyshowerhelper.com. She provides more helpful tips on mybabyshowerhelper.com planning the perfect baby shower at her site. Visit mybabyshowerhelper.com my baby shower helper today!

At the grocery store, at a large store like Home Depot, or anywhere else with a shopping cart, too many parents do not properly fasten children in carts. I have seen children climbing around on merchandise under the huge shelves in Home Depot, which is very dangerous. I have seen parents just sit the kid in the back of the cart, and then let them stand up in the cart. Children do not learn proper rules of conduct when taught this way. Then all of a sudden there is a news broadcast of how a child got hurt at Home Depot for instance. I only chose Home Depot relative to the large shelves and type of merchandise. It could happen in any store. I say that if the parents cared about their own children properly by fastening them inside the cart correctly, the child would most likely NOT get hurt. More importantly, the child would learn how to control their own action. There are many ways to help children enjoy being in the shopping cart. Be creative, make it enjoyable, and safe within their world.

Recently I watched over a near 2-year-old boy for about a month and a half everyday, while his mother was at work. The father was in Canada, the mother was going back there in June, which she did, to give birth to their daughter. The young toddler boy was a very curious one, who quickly figured out what happens when he messes with dials, knobs, and buttons. He was very wild in the one bedroom apartment when mom was home. When I was there with him alone, he was usually (not always) behaved. Behaved to me means doing what I told him to do, and only playing with his personal toys. When he misbehaved I just sat him on the couch for a few minutes. That worked just as long sometimes. My voice tone was always pretty strict for his own safety which usually worked.

I noticed how his mother would hand him food while he was running around the apartment. A couple times I tried to give him a snack, while telling him to sit in his chair; but, he still had it all over the floor in no time. I would have to grab him to stop him from eating it off the carpet. Yuck! When I gave him the bottle with some juice or water, he would pour it all over himself on purpose. Finally I decided he would only eat or drink in his high chair. That did not suit him sometimes, but too bad, so sad…kid!

Speaking of high chair, he always decided quickly that he was the boss, and would immediately try to step out when I took the tray off. Well I stopped that right away, after the first time he slipped and bumped his noggen. After he was done eating or drinking, I would say “wait” over and over again as I cleaned off the tray. He loved to brush his food in his eyes and on his head, so I concentrated on cleaning his hands first, his face/head second, and then his hands again. I kept repeating “wait” over and over again while I removed the tray. I also said, “wait or you will ouch your head again.” He always knew what I was talking about. He would then not move, look for my arm reaching, to assist him down from the high chair. I found it easy to train him that way, but as soon as mom came home, he would be wild again. I told her what I did, but she ignored me.

Some other thing I did was point to, and repeat, the elevator numbers as they went up or down. His mom did not say thank you, but figured that one out from me and started doing it. I sang the ABC song and played special videos with that song in it everyday. Elmo is still in my head now after almost a month, but it was worth it. I never allowed the little tot to watch me put on my makeup, or use anything I had with me, that he did need to get into. If not in his sight, then not in his mind. It worked. He never messed with any of my makeup or personal items. It was a way to relate to this child, who quickly tried to repeat the same thing someone else is doing. In a small apartment I believe you have to be creative, with techniques like these, in teaching things to children. The child will learn, whether you consciously teach them right, or unconsciously teach them something wrong, or something that is not age appropriate for them.

When children are encouraged to never follow proper rules, or safety precautions, from early on in life, they do not learn how to control their own actions, as they make their own choices day after day. For instance, they choose to cross the street without caring if the crosswalk sign is on or not. I have seen many times where parents jaywalk a child across the street, and then later a child freely walks in the road ignoring traffic lights, or rides their bicycle all over the road as well.

What are you teaching your child everyday in the world of safety and self-control?

Laura Gullett
lgullett.qhealthbeauty.com lgullett.qhealthbeauty.com
skybits.com skybits.com

Choosing a name for your baby needs to be a special time in a young couple’s life. This name will represent a life and have meaning throughout their life. Making this selection should require and take some thought. Many people will choose a name based on a family history or heritage. While other people choose a name based on current trends and what others are doing. Your baby name can have a meaning or just be something you like the sound of hearing when you say it. You may also want to have a name that you can give a nickname or abbreviate. Some people choose a name that can be shortened to just two letters of the first and middle name such as CJ for Christopher James or BJ for Bryan Jack.

Thought has to go into what every aspect of their life may bring. If you name a child a long name you will almost be sure that it will be shortened by a friend or teacher as they enter school because it is just too long to continually say. Most people will retain a 1 to 2 syllable name but anything with 3 or more syllables will most likely get shortened along the way so keep that in mind if you want to name your child Nicholas and always call him that. There will be someone who will probably start to call him Nick at some time in his life and if you don’t like the name Nick then you may think of alternative baby names.

Think of a working person and if the name would sound important.
A unique baby boy name can be as easy as Trey or Troy.
A babyname.fetching.us/Celebrity_Baby_Name.html” target=”_blank unique baby girl name can be Lavelle or Lee

Many people put importance on the initials of a name and if it spells a word it means that person will become an important person such as the name. George Edward Moore G.E.M. Keep in mind the first and last name and make sure they sound good together. If your last name is Shine don’t name your child Raynor.

Written by Lesa Bolt to help those parents with a big decision for their child. babyname.fetching.us babyname.fetching.us

Traveling anywhere with a Toddler is always an adventure. These are things that I have discovered over time are useful for dad to have with him. I don’t always have them, but I try to make an effort to have most of them with me when traveling with my three year old daughter. Especially if I am alone with her.

1. Bag of Animal Crackers

Take a simple Ziploc back full of animal crackers. If the plastic Ziploc causes you concern find a small plastic cup. I can’t tell you how many times having a simple snack has helped occupy my daughter or ended the crying. Other things like the fish crackers, or granola bars work just as well.

2. Child scissors

If you carry scissor as part of a pocket knife, or finger nail clippers, or even pocket knife with just a blade, you are pretty much prepared for this one. I recommend child scissors for anyone else because your child will want to hold the scissors after you use them. On what? Straws. You want to be able to cut the straw down to a shorter size to make it easier to handle with the smaller cups that come with your child’s drinks. Watching a child drink from a straw that is too long makes the need for this one obvious. You can often avoid picking up and holding the drink if the straw is shorter.

3. Handkerchief or Receiving blanket

This is true for toddlers as even more true for even younger children. You need something to wipe the noses, clean up the spills, and otherwise wipe away the tears that inevitably come with your adventures with your toddler.

4. Tiny flashlight

This can be a small flashlight or even a pen light. It is useful for entertainment for your toddler as well has helpful in finding what ever object has been dropped behind or under the back seat of the car.

5. 2 pieces of hard candy

My wife says I am cheating with I use this one, but if it works, then dad should use it. I try to have two pieces of candy with me for those moments that you need to stop the crying, persuade, or bribe your child into doing what daddy wants. Of course you can’t give candy to your children all the time, or as often as they would like, but there are moments when you are in a hurry that it works wonders. If you get to the point that your child is asking you for candy all the time, you are definitely doing this too often.

6. Picture of your child

This is as much for bragging rights as serving any useful purpose. I have discovered as a proud father that I can talk to anyone about my children. Pictures are always good. Just keep in mind that you may have to look at their pictures as well.

7. Moist Towlet (individual wet wipe)

What works best is those individual moist towlets like the ones you get at your BBQ restaurant. I think you can also find them at some gas stations. Either way, while having wet wipes with you is always a must, sometime you don’t have them available and having a single moist towlet tucked away can be a life saver. Especially after you used the candy and now your child is all sticky.

8. Extra Pair of sun glasses

If you don’t want your toddler reaching or wanting to play with your sun glasses, then you need an extra “cheap pair” or sun glasses for your toddler that actually fit them. There is nothing cooler than when my daughter want to wear her sun glasses to be like daddy.

9. Camera

My wife carries a digital camera in her purse. A disposable camera works as well. They even sell disposable digital cameras. No matter what you have, there are those moments when you are with your children that you wish you had a camera. Not to mention, if you ever are in a car accident, or witness one, a camera can be really important to have then as well.

10 Extra Emergency Diaper Bag

Take a gym bag and back if full of the same stuff as in the diaper bag. Include the wet wipes, diapers, a change of clothes etc. Keep it in your vehicle. If you have more than one vehicle, make one for each vehicle. When you forget the diaper bag or run out of something, you will be the hero for having thought ahead. If you are along with the children and realize you don’t have the diaper bag, you will be thankful for the emergency diaper bag.

Written by William E. Petersen, author of the e-zine called Daddy Resource and the website http// DaddyResource.com DaddyResource.com – A Practical Resource to Help Dads Grow. William is a father of two children, Angelina who is four and Carlos who is two. He lives with his wife and children in Texas.

Why is it more and more people are turning to growing their own organic foods. Certainly most seem to be turning to growing their own organic foods because of the substantial health benefits that they provide.

Other reasons could be because they know that their foods are both GM free and do not have any synthetic chemicals on them, plus it may be the thought of gathering their own food from the garden and placing it on the table in minutes, which means they retain all the valuable and health enhancing nutrients that our bodies need.

They even may just do it for the pleasure of losing themselves in the delight of spending time in their own garden or even spending time with their teaching and teaching them how to garden.

Others have taken up not only for the points above but also they have found it is a creative outlet that they never thought they had or they just feel that they are doing their bit to help the environment.

However there are certain practices that must be followed if you wish to have a healthy and high yielding organic garden and such strategies or systems need to be put in to place to make sure the soil is healthy, keeping the plants well watered, ensuring the insect population in your garden is well balanced and planning and rotating crops correctly.

You need to have a nutrient rich, well balanced soil that is high in microbial activity and this can be achieved quite simply by continually adding organic matter to your soil. One of the best ways of achieving this is by using compost (you could even make your own which has its own added benefits), use green manures, ensure you have good crop rotation and a “no” dig policy. Remember a high yielding garden is highly dependent on the soil being healthy.

The use of deep watering regularly will help to encourage the plants in your garden to develop a deep root system and this helps them to take on more water and nutrients, which when provides you with strong and healthy plants. By using mulch on your garden you are able to prevent moisture loss, soil erosion and also reduce weeds appearing. If you are able to install an irrigation system (especially one fitted with a timer) will not only benefit you (you don’t have to remember to go out and water the plants each day), it will also benefit your garden and the environment.

If you want your garden to be free from chemicals or sprays then you need to ensure you have the right balance of both good and bad insects (those that will assist and those that are harmful) in your garden is also important. Yes I did say bad insects! Just imagine if there were no bad insects in your garden on which the good ones to feast, you will find that they will either die or go else where. Imagine what would have if you found your garden full of predatory insects and then you became inundated with carrot fly, you would find it very difficult to stop them and you may end up having to use a chemical spray to deal with them. This is something that all costs should not be considered in an organic garden.

So by arming yourself with companion planting practices, i.e., using practical ways of outwitting bad insects as nature intended. The plant combinations that you use will help to confuse the enemy (bad insects) by masking the smell and shape of those plants which they often use to locate their favourite food.

Now that we have covered the basics above you now need to decide what you are going to grow and how much and when. Certainly you will know your family’s food needs better than me or anyone else, so don’t bother growing something (say brussel sprouts) if you family will not eat them. You also need to remember that certain plants will like certain temperatures, soils for growing in. Plants such as cucumbers, pumpkins and melons need to be grown in a warm temperature (it may be wise to invest in a greenhouse); certainly do not try to grow them in winter (your crop will fail).

Another thing you must consider it the rotation of crops if this is not carried out the soil will become depleted of the particular nutrients and elements that a plant needs as is continuously planted in the same place each year. It also results in the crop becoming depleted year on year as the nutrients it requires are declining in the soil.

If possible plan what you are going to plant in your garden each season (a good time to do this is during the winter evenings) and if possible keep a garden journal as it will become extremely handy when planning your garden each year. It will provide you with information on what work you have done previously and if there are ways of doing things differently as well as if you planted too much or too little of one particular crop to meet your family’s needs.

If you have found the above to be a bit overwhelming, just remember you are looking for progress in your garden and not perfection. Once you have started you will find that things improve as you go along. So there is no excuse for you not to start your own organic garden to today and hopefully the information provided above will help you’re off and you can build on this as you gain more experience and knowledge.

Kerris Samson who now lives in Spain and has become a work from home mum. Since moving to Spain she has taken a keen interest in healthy living and leading a healthy life style which has led to her setting up a number of sites relating to these subjects. If you would like to know more please visit wholesomeorganics.info wholesomeorganics.info.

Compost is the great addition for all those organic gardeners who have moved to raised beds instead of the traditional row garden. Raised beds allow for a greater concentration of plants per square foot which in turn allows for a greater harvest whether of blossoms or vegetables. However this places a greater demand on the soil to be a healthy growing environment and a great source of nutrition. Compost rises to the challenge.

Healthy soil is a must for raised beds. Closely planted flowers and vegetables compete for every square inch of space. Many of our plants are started in ideal environments contained in rich potting soils in individual pots under cold frames or indoor lights. A move to less than ideal quarters can be a shock to the whole root system and thus the plant.

Raised beds are dug and constructed so as to have a loose soil that is kept from compaction by not waking on it. However, sandy soils drain too quickly and retain too little nutrient value while clay soils hold too much water in pools on the surface and compact under their own weight. Compost allows sandy soils to retain moisture and supplies an ample amount of nutrient matter. It will also break up clay soils so as to allow the water to drain but still have adequate amounts remain available to the roots. Compaction is prevented as the compost draws the clay to itself to make a more finely tilled soil.

Compost may be added to the raised bed garden in a variety of ways but two main ones are generally used. The first is to dig the compost into the bed when it is being made or renewed for the season. A determined organic gardener has been known to mark off the new bed and remove the sod for a new compost pile. Then a shovel width of soil is removed to the far end of the bed. The resulting trench is broken up a shovel’s depth and the top soil from the next bit of bed placed on it and broken up. This is continued the length of the bed until the first bit left at the far end is used to top the last trench. Finally a three inch depth of compost is added to the bed and dug into the top layer. One calls this double digging and leaves a bed about twelve inches deep with a top layer rich with compost.

As the growing season begins, a raised bed attracts the sun’s warmth in the spring, giving plants an early start. However, even with a living mulch of closely growing plants, it may be too warm for some plants in the midst of summer’s heat. A layer of compost added to the top of the bed in a depth of two to three inches will cool some of the soil. It also adds nutrition to a bed that has has great demands on it from the closely growing plants. At the end of the season or the beginning of the next, it is either easily dug in to the loose soil of the bed or left on top as the growing medium.

Darrell Feltmate is an avid gardener who has been composting and gardening for over 25 years with gardens up to 1/2 acre and compost piles for each. His composting site may be found at aroundthewoods.com/compostcentral Compost Central. You can be a master composter in no time at all.

Much of his compost uses wood shavings from his wood turning hobby. The site for wood turning may be found at aroundthewoods.com Around the Woods.

One woman told me that grandparenting is hard because “I don’t want to impose.” The fear that her presence might be a nuisance to her family prevents her from acting upon her natural desire to visit or call, lest she intrude. She ends up suffering in silence while she waits to be invited. Furthermore, even when invited, she is reluctant to accept because she’s unsure whether the invitation is sincere.

Another fear is, “I don’t want to show that I’m not capable.” Having taken pride in being self-sufficient all of their lives, it is indeed difficult to face the limitations of old age. Grandparents may want to maintain their self-image by continuing to do everything for themselves, no matter how hard it may be.

Finally, “I don’t want to be a burden.” That is the big “B” word that is the ultimate fear for many grandparents. Most grandparents (the majority of whom are women) have spent their whole lives taking care of the younger generation; they dread the possibility of becoming ‘takers’ rather than ‘givers.’

My response to these fears is, “You have a job to do. You are needed. Don’t let your fears get in the way!”

Let’s imagine that you have a job in a corporation at the executive level, and you need to prepare for an important meeting. Are you going to spend the next four hours typing up your notes? No! You’ll have someone else do it! You’ll ask for help. Because that person can do in one hour what would take you four hours to accomplish.

“But,” you say, “I am paying that person a salary to help.”

Well, that’s where we get to the crux of the matter. You have already paid the salary of those who will help you, through years of monetary, physical and emotional support. It is time now to call in the debt. Your children are indebted to you. The next generation is indebted to the previous generation.

When your children acknowledge their obligation to you — by physically doing for you what you can no longer do for yourself — they in turn feel better about themselves. Most importantly, they serve as role models for their own children, who see their parents helping their grandparents and remember that lesson for future years.

Grandparents, keep doing what you know how to do best. Your value to your family and community exceeds all physical limitations. You are the “CEO” of your corporation and all of its members need your experience, insight, wisdom and love.

Grandparenting: The Perils

You have more relationships now to consider than ever before in your life. Each relationship is a potential treasure or land-mine.

First of all is your relationship with your own child, who is also a parent. What happens when you disagree with what your child is doing? What do you do when you see something that you’re not comfortable with?

Don’t, if possible, say anything in front of your grandchildren. If there’s something that you want to say, do so privately.

Another very important relationship to negotiate is with the “in-law,” the son-in-law or daughter-in-law. It’s crucial not to put your child in a position of having to choose between a parent and a mate.

There is a lot of swallowing that you need to do, I know. Sometimes it makes breathing laborious. It takes much practice to withhold your critical thoughts and express only the positive. We can’t redo other people; the only thing that we can do is figure out how we should behave.

Lastly, let’s examine your relationship with your grandchildren. You might feel that “times have changed” and your relationship differs significantly from the relationship that you recall having with your own grandparents. Is the gap between generations wider now than in previous centuries?

Yes, the gap has widened for certain stages in life, particularly between adolescents and grandparents. Technology has changed the face of communication, as well as its speed. Few grandchildren go to their grandparents’ home for Sunday dinners (Remember “Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf?”).

Life has changed so dramatically that your grandchildren may have a hard time understanding your world. Then turn it around. Try to understand their world. Get some idea of what they’re involved in, so that you have what to discuss. Learn and love.

But what can you do if one of the parents feels threatened by your close relationship with their child/ren? Again, it is important to be sensitive to their feelings. Involve them in your plans, ask permission to take out your grandchild; inform them of your plans so that they don’t feel out of the loop. They need to feel in charge of their children, often out of a sense of their own insecurity. Your children need your attention and praise as much as your grandchildren do!

Mona attended Barnard College and then continued on at Columbia University, where she earned two Masters degrees and a Doctorate in Psychology.

Mona settled and still lives in Rockland County, NY. She worked for many years as a diagnostician and therapist, originally in schools and then in full-time private practice. As Mona’s children grew up and left home she once again returned to her original goal; namely, to help people not only resolve their problems but also reach their highest potential. She thus founded MyFamilyCoach to provide professional coaching to women who want assistance and guidance but do not need therapy.

Mona publishes the MFC Newsletter and contributes articles to family magazines, both online and in print. She speaks to women’s groups all over the country, introducing them to the benefits of coaching. Mona is a member of the International Coach Federation and the American Psychological Association. Visit her at myfamilycoach.com myfamilycoach.com.

If your child will eat anything out of the vegetable garden, consider yourself lucky. But many kids are more likely to race to the ice-cream aisle at the grocery store, rather than the produce section. If your children are in the latter category, here are some strategies for making healthy food more appealing to their palates:

Stock up on sprinkles: They go great on everything! Put sprinkles on applesauce, yogurt, pancakes, mac and cheese, veggies . . . whatever your kids want! Somehow everything looks a little more appealing to them with sprinkles on top.

Serve dipping sauces: Place little piles of ketchup, mustard and barbecue sauce on your children’s plates and pronounce them “dipping sauces”! They’ll have fun dipping their food in the various condiments and are more apt to eat them. Cut up raw vegetables and serve them with a small bowl of ranch dressing for dipping. Let them dip apple slices in a little caramel sauce.

Blend up some smoothies: Kids love to drink smoothies (call them “milkshakes” if you must), and it’s a great way to get a good serving of fruit. Mix various fruits, like bananas, strawberries and other berries in the blender with some milk and ice, and they’ll drink them up!

Serve individual portions: For some reason, children like having their own individual servings. Witness the popularity of pudding cups! So make mini-pizzas out of bagels or bread slices. Serve carrot sticks in cupcake liners. Cook your lasagna in little serving-sized pans.

Let them help: When they help you make their food, children develop more of an interest in it. Put crackers and squares of cheese and lunch meat on kids’ plates and let them build their own “sandwiches.” Let them sprinkle cheese on their pizza or make faces out of pepperoni.

Be patient: Just because they don’t eat something the first time doesn’t mean they won’t try it on the second or third attempt. Experts say it sometimes takes up to ten attempts before kids will try a new food! Pick another day to serve them a food they didn’t eat the first time. You might be surprised to find that they just weren’t in a “new food mood” on the first (or second or third!) day.

Call it “cake”: Labeling is very important. When you serve your children banana bread, call it “banana cake”! Somehow the thought of “dessert” makes them more eager to try it. Call a hamburger patty a “hamburger cookie.” Refer to broccoli as “little trees.” Call it whatever you need to in order to make it sound appealing!

Don’t force anything: Trying to force your children to eat something will only frustrate all of you. Leave it in front of them for a while, and if they still refuse to taste it, take it away. But don’t bring them a cookie because you’re concerned that they’ll starve! You don’t want to teach them that they can have whatever they want. They won’t starve if they miss one meal, and they’ll be that much more hungry at the next one.

Forget bribery: The old line, “Just eat two bites, and you can have a cookie,” rarely ever works. It just upsets the child even more because he knows there’s a cookie waiting in the wings, and he doesn’t have it!

Be the example: Let your children see you enjoying healthy foods. Show them how much you enjoy eating a carrot or digging into a nice salad.

Check with the doctor: If you’re still concerned about your children’s poor eating habits, consult with their pediatrician. He or she may suggest that you supplement with a multi-vitamin. If your children are growing appropriately for their age, don’t be overly concerned if salads aren’t their favorite food yet. Many children outgrow their food aversions with time.

Don’t turn your family’s dinnertime into a battlefield. With a little creativity, your children will soon be ingesting a variety of foods, and they might even start asking for broccoli!

Susan M. Heim is the author of “Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year” and “It’s Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence.” Visit her web site at susanheim.com susanheim.com

Flower gardens occur in different styles and assortments, their charm can be dependent to any flower gardener. As someone who takes care of a garden, knowing how to enhance your flower garden can make a big difference in the dealing with beauty and taste and over-all condition of your garden.

Here are 4 easy ways to make your flower garden blossom more:

1. The necessities must always be given major deliberation.

Exactly like with any gardening undertaking, a flower garden must have its sufficient supply of water, light, and rich soil. To be lacking one of these gardening necessities is almost developing the death bed of your flower garden. Irrigate the flower garden more often during dry spells. In addition, make sure that you set the flower bulbs deep enough to allow sufficient room for the rooting.

2. Mix perennials with annuals.

Perennial flower bulbs don’t have to be replanted because they grow and bloom for several years while annuals spring up and bloom for only one season. Mixing a few perennials with annuals guarantees that the display goes on with your flower garden.

3. Deadhead to promote more blossoms.

Deadheading is simply clipping off the flower head after it droops. This will cause the plant to grow more and develop more flowers. Just make sure that you don’t throw away the deadhead on the garden or mold and other plant disease will assault your plants.

4. Know the beneficial from the bad bugs.

Do you know that nearly all garden bugs do more good than harm? Butterflies, beetles and bees are famous as pollinators. They feed plants through unplanned transport of pollen from one plant to another. And 75% of flowering plants count on them for survival. Why do you believe flowers are that brilliant and beautiful? I’ll bet you thought it was to make mankind more affection of them? It’s really to entice more bugs.

Sowbugs and dung beetles both with fungi, bacteria and other microorganisms make the soil more favorable to plants. This is on account they exist on dead materials, breaking down into simpler molecules that feed the soil. These insects are known as decomposers.

Now you don’t just chase away insects whenever you see them.

With this info in mind and applied, your flower garden will surely reward you with a breath taking view when it’s comes for them to bloom once more.

Jim’s articles are from extensive research on each of his topics. You can learn more of flower garden perennials by visiting:
gotta-grow.com/perennials.html Flower Garden